Tag: mental health

A New H.O.P.E.

Melissa1 Comment

Hello! I haven’t posted in quite a while because I felt I needed to rethink my site’s mission. I thought about what I love the most–being a mom and being a teacher–and how I could incorporate both of those into my message about mental health. So, welcome back to H.O.P.E. with Melissa:

Honest

Odyssey of a 

Parent and

Educator

When I think about what I want to share, my main goals are to be transparent in my family’s experiences with mental health, as well as offer ideas to others that I use in my classroom and at home that have been helpful in some way with this adventure we call life. 

This school year I started a new teaching position at a psychiatric hospital and I. Love. It. I have up to 36 students each day coming from up to just as many different schools. When they enter my classroom for the first time, all I know about them is their name and age. Diagnoses can include depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. I’ve had students with intellectual disabilities and others who are taking advanced placement and college-level courses. They can be in kindergarten or seniors in high school.

I feel I’m pretty good at flying by the seat of my pants; this may sound like I just make things up as I go but I really just have Plan A, and Plan B, and Plan C, and Plan D ready to go, with a sprinkle of “just in case” also lined up. Because this is how my brain works, this job is a really good fit for me. I’ve developed some strategies that may be useful for other educators or parents to try, and I’m excited to share them with you.

I’m finding my own mental health to be, actually, the best it’s been in probably as long as I can remember. I’m genuinely happy to get out of bed in the morning. I didn’t know you could spend Sundays with no anxiety about the upcoming week. I want to do lots of stuff, not just take naps (although I still enjoy a good afternoon snooze when I can sneak one in). 

I know I haven’t been taking care of my physical health as much as I should. I need to make better food and exercise choices. My headaches and migraines have been especially bad lately which makes it really hard to want to cook a meal and hop on the treadmill when I get home when we can just grab a pizza and watch tv. I need to find some ways to motivate myself to make the changes I know I need to make. I can do anything but not everything; I just need to move the healthier stuff up in my priorities list.

I’m pretty much addicted to Schitt’s Creek.

So welcome back to Hope with Melissa, or just welcome to the page! I hope you’ll stick around and I’ll try my best to get new content up at least once a week!

Coping and Hoping through Grief

Melissa1 Comment

The past week has felt like one very long day, punctuated by brief restless sleeps and consumed with intense grief. My grandma passed away Monday just before three in the morning. I was privileged to be with her in the moment she took her final breath, with my hand on her shoulder and my eyes soaking up every last detail of her beautiful face that they could.

Losing one’s grandparents is part of the normal order of life, but for me that expected sequence was flipped around. I lost both my parents while my maternal grandparents were still alive, so they took on an even deeper importance—if that’s possible—and filled part of the parentless void that had been left in my life. My 88-year-old grandpa is still with us; seeing his heart completely break over the loss of his wife of nearly 69 years is equally as difficult as the loss of my grandma is.

Coping with grief through anxiety and depression is difficult. I am very much a “show me the schedule” type of person due to my anxiety, but loss doesn’t follow a set agenda.

Before Grandma passed, at first we thought she would return home, then we thought she would go to a rehab facility, then we thought she would go home under Hospice care, then she declined so quickly that she stayed in the hospital. Everything happened so rapidly that the only thing I came to expect was more change.

Then, after she passed, not knowing the exact itinerary of the memorial service ahead of time made me feel quite anxious. Who would be there? How would Grandpa hold up? Would there be songs? Which ones? How would my boys be? Would Cullen make a “Karen” joke to a relative named Karen?

Cullen, our 8-year-old, is named after my grandma (it’s her maiden name) and has anxiety and depression just like me. He was very close to his great grandma—Nana, as my boys called her. My husband and I knew he would need breaks during the two-hour visitation time before the service so he took both our boys out for a bite of food and then took Cullen for an extended car ride before returning for the service.

My heart broke even further seeing my boys weep during the service for the Nana they so dearly loved. At the same time, my heart was filled as they comforted me despite their own grief.

How can we help our kids—with or without mental health issues—through the death of a loved one? How can we be gentle with ourselves through our grief? Here are some things that helped my family throughout the past week, especially during the visitation and service, and I hope they can help yours, too:

1. Let everyone know what to expect (to the extent possible). Will there be an open casket? An urn? Who will be there that they know? Will there be any unfamiliar-to-them religious practices that you can explain ahead of time?

2. It’s ok to cry. It’s ok not to cry. Whatever you are feeling is right for you.

3. It’s ok to laugh at happy memories and stories. It doesn’t mean you are any less sad.

4. It’s ok to hug. It’s ok not to hug. You get to decide.

5. It’s ok to take a break. Scope out some break-time options like a separate room, a back corner, a place outside, or even the car.

6. It’s going to feel weird and uncomfortable at times. Everyone else is feeling it, too.

7. It’s ok to ask any questions you have.

8. People will be sad for different amounts of time, including after the funeral. A piece of you may always be sad. However, it’s ok to start feeling happy again, too, whenever you are ready.

I think the most important take-away is that everyone grieves in their own way. There isn’t one right way to do it, and sharing information and answering questions can help calm anxieties. Grief has a thousand different faces and it can be complicated by mental health issues. Give yourself, your children, and those around you grace and space. Today might not be the day a smile returns to your face…but tomorrow might be.

I was beyond blessed to have my grandma for 42 years of my life. It doesn’t quite feel real yet that I won’t see her again on this side of heaven…but it’s time to start a new day. Love you forever, Nana!

Checking in on Mental Health

Melissa1 Comment

May, Mental Health Awareness Month, has already come and gone for this year. It was comforting to hear so many people—from celebrities to us “normal folk”—sharing their struggles. It seemed like every time I had the tv on, someone was sharing their story…and I loved it! The more we can give a voice to mental health issues, the quicker we will stop the stigma.

I remember watching an interview (I wish I could remember who it was or where I saw it—maybe Entertainment Tonight?) with a celebrity who was asked how she knew she needed to get help for her mental health; she said it was when she was too comfortable with the thought of being dead. I felt that in my gut. Why? Because that’s one of my “checks.”

When my mental health is “good” (whatever that really means), I want to light the world on fire. My internal compass is pointing towards a future of a million ideas. I want to save the world and do all the things. When my mental health is “bad,” it feels like those matches I would be using to light the world on fire are soaking in a puddle. My compass has been shattered by a sledgehammer. Not only do I not know where I’m going, I don’t even feel like I know where I am now. This was how I felt for about a year until I went to my doctor about four months ago.

This is the first time—in about two decades of being treated for anxiety and depression—that I’ve ever had a doctor work with me to find not only the right dose of medication, but also find the right combination of meds to successfully manage both the depression and the anxiety. I’ve never tried a “combo” before and now that I’ve been on it for a few weeks I feel like my matches are drying out. My compass is still a bit cracked, but I feel like I at least have all the pieces of it gathered back together and at the repair shop.

What is “good” mental health and how can one check in on themselves? For me, there are some key things I’ve learned about myself that I am able do when my anxiety and depression are under control. Some of those things are:

◦ Getting out of bed

◦ Taking a shower

◦ Making a to-do list

◦ Updating my planner

◦ Making any future plans

◦ Wanting to go out (shopping, movie, etc)

◦ Cleaning/household chores without feeling totally overwhelmed

◦ Knowing that being alive is not something I’m going to change

When I am unable to do some of these things, I know it’s time to seek help—especially the last one. What would be on your list of checks? If you are struggling with anything that would be on your list, please let someone know—a partner, a friend, a doctor—and keep speaking up until you get the help you need.

Asking for help is hard, but it’s so worth it. If your matches are soggy or your compass is cracked, you deserve to have those fixed. Keep holding onto hope. You are worth it.