Author: Melissa

My Grandpa

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I sit and rock in Grandpa’s chair. The room I spent so many hours in with him as a child is much smaller than it looks in my memories. The tears freely stream down my face. My hero, the greatest man I’ve ever known, is dying tonight.

I go back to your bedside and stroke your frizzy grey hair. Everyone always says Harris looks so much like his dad, but I think he looks so much like you. My mind flashes to decades-old pictures of you with your curls and I can’t help but smile a bit.

It is in this same room where you now lay dying that we told you and Grandma that you were going to be great grandparents. Next to our moms, you were hands down the most excited. I remember you calling my mom right after we told you and the look on your face during that phone call is forever etched in my memory and on my heart.

It is in this same room where a framed crochet of your last name hangs. Lien. I remember the time I noticed that backwards, it spells Neil. Again my mind’s image shifts to how much my Harris Neil is like you.

It is in this same room, in this same space, that my mom—your daughter—also took her last breath. How I wish that she was here to comfort me right now. How thankful I am that she is not here because her heart would be broken, too.

I hold your hand. I remember dancing with you at my wedding. I picked “The Way You Look Tonight” by Tony Bennett for us to dance to. I remember the way you looked that night. So proud. So handsome. So much my hero.

I remember growing up I always said if I could meet a man as patient as my grandpa, that’s who I would marry. That’s who I did marry. Because you were my example of what a real man should be. I don’t know how you were simultaneously the strongest and softest person in the room, but you were, and you were always my soft place to fall.

I watch you take your last breath. I sob from a depth of my soul I rarely feel. You are at rest. Your work here is done. You are home.

I drive home with my family. I collapse into bed. I sleep hard.

It’s morning and I’m awake but my eyes are sealed shut. Maybe from last night’s sobs. Perhaps because I’m not yet ready to see the first day of my life that you are not in. Most likely a combination of both.

After several minutes I decide it’s time to see this new version of my world. It’s a little darker, a little harder, but I will be okay. Because Grandpa, you taught me how to be both strong and soft at the same time. You showed me love, kindness, and patience every day of my life. You believed in me, you were proud of me, and you loved me ferociously.

I will love you and miss you forever. Thank you for being my grandpa.

It’s All Online

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Every personality-type test I’ve ever taken has labeled me as a helper. That’s probably why I love being a special ed teacher so much. What frustrates me the most is when someone else’s lack of communication or effort makes it difficult or even impossible for me to help my students. 

When I was a special ed teacher in a “regular” school, a big part of my job was making sure that  students could access the general education curriculum. Whatever was going on in their other classrooms, I would figure out ways to make it learnable and accessible (and maybe even enjoyable!) for our kids on IEPs. 

Do you know what is the most useful thing for me when it comes to doing that part of my job? It’s knowing what the other teachers are doing in their classes! Shocking, I know. I can’t change, modify, or adapt anything if I don’t know what the lesson is about, what standard you’re working on, or what you want the kids to know or be able to do. 

This year, being in a hospital setting, when I reach out to schools to get clarity on what students should be working on while they are with me, the answer I get 90% of the time is, “It’s all online.”

Ok, that’s great. Totally awesome. Fabulous. But…

I can’t log in to see any of it.

I can’t see the names of the assignments.

I can’t see what they’ve already turned in.

I can’t print anything for them.

I can’t see the directions on anything. 

I can’t check to see what is missing.

I don’t know where they should start (a certain lesson? a certain date?).

I don’t know if they need a physical textbook or workbook, or if everything is online.

I don’t know if the student who is telling me they are done or there’s nothing there to work on is being truthful (probably not…but I can’t check).

On a daily basis, I will have kids using at least half a dozen different platforms from Schoology to Edgenuity to PowerSchool to Canvas to Google Classroom to Blackboard to a plethora of different strictly-online schools/classes such as North Dakota Center for Distance Education. I’m getting pretty good at maneuvering around in all of those once a student is logged in, but before that I have absolutely no powers. 

So if I reply to your email of “It’s all online,” with, “It would be super helpful if I could get the names of the assignments that you consider top priority,” and you answer back with, “It’s all listed in Schoology,” I will flip a table. 

If you email me something like, “Let me know when she’s done with worksheets 7A and 8Q and then I’ll add this other thing she’ll need to do,” I will punch one of the stuffed hedgehogs in my classroom. Because all I hear is, “I have to add this anyway but I’m not going to pay attention to when that student needs this thing I ALREADY HAVE so now it’s on you.” 

I get frustrated with and for my students who are also confused when all they are told from their teachers is, “It’s all online.” I’ve had countless students tell me, “I don’t know where to start,” or “I don’t understand the directions.” And you know what? I don’t either. I will tell them straight up that I’m 42 years old and almost done with my doctorate and that doesn’t make any sense to me either. 

I will also get emails that say, in their entirety, “We’re on chapter 3.” Cool. Which student are you talking about? What subject do you teach? I will have students from eighteen different schools in my classroom today (I counted). Imma need a little more info, sir. 

I also have students that have been gone from school for so long, they literally have no idea where to start. Many of my students transfer from inpatient to partial hospitalization, so some have been gone from school for a long time before I even get to meet them. I had this situation happen today. I emailed asking for clarity on where to start and was told by teachers that the student was so far behind it was pointless to advise them where to start. Really?! That’s gross and you should be embarrassed you actually wrote that in an email. Help me help them. Please. 

I really don’t mean to sound like I’m complaining. I love my job and my students, and I have plenty of stuff for them to do if they don’t know what they need to do for school. But I also know how stressed they get when they want to get caught up and simply don’t know what to do. I know all teachers are super busy and my email is just one more thing that has to be dealt with, but if you could take one minute and send me a screenshot of missing assignments, I will send you a virtual high-five. If you could compose a somewhat professional email back to me in an effort to assist our student, I will feel warm fuzzies. 

It’s great that it’s all online. Sometimes, though, we need a little more direction to make sure our students are moving in the right direction with their work. Thanks to all those who provide that “little more.”

The Accident

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It’s Saturday night. I’m at home in my jammies watching Schitt’s Creek with two cats on me and thinking about how easily this night could have been completely different than it is.

After being home sick on Friday (the boys have been taking turns being sick for about two weeks and were nice enough to share with me), Saturday morning I woke up with a headache but overall felt better. I took some Excederin and stayed in bed while Erik ran into town to get breakfast. It was looking to be a normal, laid back weekend.

Around 10:15 or so, my phone rang. It was Erik.

“Hello?” I said.

“I was just in a really bad accident,” he said. I could tell from his voice everything was not all right.

“What?! Are you okay?! Where are you?!” He said he wasn’t sure if he was okay, and he tried explaining where he was but it wasn’t making very much sense. Cullen was hearing my end of the conversation and became panicked. I woke Harris up, told him what was going on and to stay with Cullen. I threw on my coat over my pajamas and hopped in our other car to go find Erik. He had been able to tell me if I drove like I was “going to the gas station” that I would find him.

I flew down the gravel road as fast as I safely could. When I took a right onto the highway, I could see flashing lights in the distance and knew that had to be where he was.

As I approached the scene, I saw our car.

Upside down.

On the side of the road.

Airbags showing through the windows.

But no Erik.

A sheriff’s truck was there and as I pulled up beside it, we both rolled our windows down at the same time.

“That’s my husband’s c…” Before I could finish, a person in the passenger’s seat who was previously not visible leaned forward. It was Erik. “That’s my husband!” I pulled over and immediately jumped out of the car to give him the longest and tightest hug possible.

What had happened? Erik was driving over a drainage ditch that had guard rails on each side of the highway. Because of the guard rails, a significant “bump” of ice and snow had accumulated but was not visible until very close. Because there was an oncoming car, Erik had to hit the snow instead of the other vehicle. That sent him into the guardrail and then into the air.

He was able to get his seatbelt off but he wasn’t able to get out the front door.

He climbed into the backseat—on the roof of the car—and made it out that door. A family driving by called 911 and let Erik sit in their car to stay warm until the sheriff arrived.

While they were getting our car loaded up to tow away, they actually closed that stretch of the highway and the Harwood Fire Department came out to plow it so the same thing wouldn’t happen to someone else.

The sheriff suggested Erik go to the emergency room to get checked out, so that’s where we went next and where we spent most of the rest of the day. Erik was very confused when we got there; he even gave the registration person the wrong birthday.

All of the tests came out perfectly. His head CT scan said his brain was “unremarkable” (what you want it to be when they scan it) but I promise I will give him crap about that forever.

While we were there, a level one trauma (the worst) came in and all I could think was that could have very easily been what I arrived to find Erik in. It could have been So. Much. Worse. Was I thrilled to spend over six hours in the ER in my pajamas with my un-showered and un-toothbrushed self? Not really…but that was infinitely better than many other scenarios that so easily could have resulted from the accident.

So tonight I’m going to chill and enjoy watching David Rose ask thrice for towels. Tomorrow I’ll make sure Erik takes all his happy pain pills and try to get everything ready for the upcoming week. Will I complain about having to clean up after my gross, dirty boys? Probably. But I’ll try to remember how lucky I am to have healthy, safe, dirty, gross boys.

I will be forever grateful to the Cass County Sheriff’s deputies, the Harwood Volunteer Fire Department, and the family who stopped to help (although I’ll probably never get to know who they are). You are all heroes.

What’s in a Name?

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Have you ever had such an amazing day at work that you were sad it was Friday and you wouldn’t get to go the next day?

No? That makes me super weird? That’s fair.

But that’s how great today was.

My mashed potato loving student from my last post (I’ll call him MP going forward) mentioned his birthday was coming up. And by “mentioned” I mean he told me a minimum of twice each day for the past week. Based on what I knew about him, I was guessing not much (if anything) would be done to celebrate. I asked him, “If you could do anything for your birthday, what would you pick?”

His answer was, “I would have a cake!”

My heart pretty much shattered right there on the classroom floor.

Well, buddy, if you want a cake, I can do a cake. The other staff pitched in toward the cost and I picked it up from the grocery store last night for today’s mini-surprise party.

The setup: MP was scheduled for my 12:55 class. All of the “littles” (kids under 13) would come to the classroom at 1:00 to sing and eat cake. I had the cake sitting on the table where the students’ work folders are usually sitting.

MP walked in the room and I shouted, “Happy birthday!” He looked at me funny, looked at the table, and said, “Where’s my work folder?”

Dude.

As the other kids were coming in, he looked down again and then noticed the cake. “Oh! It’s for me?!” he shouted.

Yeah, buddy, it’s for you.

Don’t be jealous of my epic photo editing skills.

We all sang Happy Birthday and then dove into that cake. There was frosting on every face and table top. There was sugar rushing through the veins of every person in the room. We had a yummy good time.

When MP came back for a second piece of cake he said, “I’ve never had my name on a cake before!”

Ugh. Right in the feels.

He said “thank you” at least two dozen times during that hour he was in our classroom.

MP, thank YOU. Thank you for teaching me that I take so much for granted. Thank you for reminding me that little things—like a name on a cake—can be so meaningful. Thank you for making me feel special everyday when you shout “Hi, Teacher!” to me in the cafeteria and give me a high-five as I pass through. Thank you for being your unique, special, amazing self.

Happy birthday, MP.

You Can Make a Dream Come True

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Most days my job fills my soul; I laugh until I cry and the hours between 8 and 4 disappear faster than a box of Little Debbies left on my kitchen counter.

Some days my job stabs my soul; I want to cry until I can fix all the ugliness in my students’ lives and it breaks me that I can’t.

One of these days happened last week. As I do just about every day, I got a new student who had just started as a patient in the Child and Adolescent Partial Hospitalization Program. Like all of my kids, all I knew about him when he walked in my classroom was his name and age.

He was one of those people that instantly captures a piece of you soul without even trying. His sweet, kind personality immediately swooped in and took hold of my heart.

As with all my new kiddos, I invited him to fill out his choice of getting-to-know-you sheets. This is what he wrote:

No family. No friends. I immediately wanted to go home and make him mashed potatoes and gravy. Instead, we found some math that was a good fit for him and we visited while he worked. When he finished his math, he asked if he could spell words using the magnets on the filing cabinet. Of course you can! He asked for spelling help, and when he was done he stepped to the side so I could read what he wrote:

This sweet boy, who doesn’t even have most of the people or things I take for granted, has a better outlook on life than I do many days.

I grumble about a messy house left in the wake of my boys. I complain that I’m tired and don’t want to do all these dishes or that pile of laundry. But those things are only present because of the family I get to come home to everyday. I’ve seen signs that say, “Bless this mess.” I need one that says, “Blessed by this mess.”

Looking forward, my goal is to reframe the lens through which I see “my messy house” and focus on the family I love so dearly. They may be dirty, sloppy boys, but they are MY dirty, sloppy boys. They make my dreams come true and I am beyond thankful for them everyday.

I’m still brainstorming a legitimate reason to explain how I can bring mashed potatoes and gravy to school tomorrow. Let me know if you have any ideas.

Bored Board? No Way!

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I finally finished my new bulletin board today and I’m so excited to share it with you!

I like my bulletin boards to do more than just look pretty. My goal with this one was to make an interactive board that would be fun for my students to use when they needed a break from their schoolwork but would still involve using some thinking skills. I also wanted something that kids of all ages could enjoy. And, yeah…I wanted it to look good, too.

My classroom is decorated and labeled in dots and I wanted to play off that theme. What has dots? A Twister board! I was going to make a homemade board with a white flat twin size sheet and laminated paper circles but happened to find a Twister game at the thrift store for $1.00! I stapled the mat to the board and used border from Dollar Tree to pretty up the edges.

Next, I wanted to turn each dot on the Twister mat into an activity. I decided to choose one type of activity for each of the dot colors. Red dots became Scattergories boards, blue dots turned into Logic Puzzles, green dots became Sudoku, and yellow dots turned into Boggle boards. After I cut out paper circles in matching colors to be just a tiny bit bigger than the Twister board dots, I printed the games, cut them out, glued them on the paper circles, and laminated them. After cutting off the extra lamination, I used self-stick Velcro dots to attach them to the Twister board. I also added letters to the board so it reads Brain Twister.

I then grabbed folders that matched the dot colors and filled them with directions, response sheets, answer-check sheets, and anything else that would be needed to play. I used scrapbook paper (cut to 8.5” x 11” so it would fit in my laminator) and my letter cut-out tool (I got it for like $4.00 on Zulily and it’s awesome) to make “pockets” that were stapled to the board after laminating to hold the folders.

I am so happy with how it turned out and I’m super excited to introduce it to students tomorrow!

Do you make interactive bulletin boards? I would love to hear your ideas!

Pro-Pronouns

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When I get a new student in my class, I give them a slip of paper that says, “What I Want My Teacher to Know.” I explain that it’s totally optional, but if they choose they can tell me a preferred name, preferred pronouns, how they learn best, a fun fact about them…anything!

I’ve been trying very hard to remember and respect preferred names and pronouns, and I tell them if I mess up they can absolutely correct me. The relief that some of them express to me because of this is palpable. They feel valued for who they are as individual, unique human beings…as they should feel.

This past summer, a teacher in Virginia was suspended after refusing to address students by their preferred pronouns ( https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1270127 ). He was later reinstated until a full court hearing could take place.

I agree with the school district’s decision to suspend him. But, not everyone agrees with me…especially the teacher who got suspended.

The president of Alliance Defending Freedom, Michael Farris, the organization defending the teacher in court, said, “Educators are just like everybody else—they have ideas and opinions that they should be free to express.”

Sounds nice on the surface, but let’s dive a little deeper.

My statement when kids ask about my political beliefs is, “It’s not my job to teach you WHAT to think; it’s my job to teach you HOW to think.” Let’s say that wasn’t my stance and I shared with students that my opinion about Donald Trump is that he is a racist, misogynistic liar, rapist, and cheat who should spend the rest of his days in a dank, moldy cell. I’m pretty sure the Alliance Defending Freedom would NOT be lining up to say my ideas and opinions should be free to express to students in school.

And they would be right—I shouldn’t say that in school. I would never say that to students. When you are a teacher, It’s. Not. About. You.

So back to our teacher colleague who refuses to address students by their preferred pronouns (and I’m also inferring preferred names even though it isn’t explicitly stated). I have a few problems with his stance.

First problem: the teacher himself uses a preferred name. He does not go by his given name of “Byron;” he goes by “Tanner.” Umm, hello, irony? Hypocrite? Double standard? Grr (insert eye roll here).

Second problem: It’s. Not. About. Him. When you step into a classroom—especially a public school classroom—you are there for any and every kid who walks through your door. It doesn’t matter what country they’re from, what language they speak, what religion they are, what disability they have, who their parents are, what gender they identify with, or if they live in a million dollar mansion or public housing. It is 100% about what is best for that child. Full stop.

Third and fourth problems: It’s not about his religion. Yes, he retains his freedom of religion in his classroom but he does NOT have the right to inflict that belief on others. It also has nothing to do with freedom of speech. A teacher can’t say anything they want in their classroom with no chance of consequences. I can’t teach that the earth is flat or that calculus is derived from Satan (even though it seems like it could be). If my religion says the earth is 6,000 years old, can I as a science teacher inform my students of that instead of what science has agreed upon? I really hope not.

No, the earth is not only 6,000 years old. Source: this dinosaur.

Fifth problem: Why is it okay to teach students that respecting them is optional, but respect for teachers is demanded from students? Because adults are…older? That seems weird. The reason I think I’m able to have such good relationships with my students is that I respect them as individuals and don’t see them as “just a bunch of kids.”

Did the teacher feel his beliefs were not being respected? Probably. I wonder how his students felt. Probably the same—not very respected. We have to remember the most important people in our classrooms are our students, and they deserve our respect. If you aren’t willing to love every kid who walks through your door—the smelly kid, the loud kid, the gifted kid, the refugee kid, the star athlete, the chess prodigy, and the trans kid—please find somewhere other than a classroom to spend your days. Our students do not deserve judgement from us. They deserve the best from us.

Friendly Competition

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One of the best things about being a teacher is getting to have fun at work every single day. I have never understood uptight, grumpy, inflexible adults who continue to be teachers. Why would anyone want to spend their days like that, and why would you subject children to your bad attitude? I really don’t get it. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Anyhoo, no matter if my setting is a school or a hospital, I like to try to make our space as close to a “regular” classroom as I possibly can. And I believe that all classrooms should have fun in them! 

So for the days before Thanksgiving break, we had a Thanksgiving Throwdown in our classroom. I had morning classes (teens) versus afternoon classes (the “littles”–kids 5-13). Whichever group had the highest average of students completing their exit tickets and staying on task until clean up time was the winner and got candy the next day. The kids enjoyed it, and so did the hospital staff! Oftentimes I would find nurses looking over the stats or overhear conversations in the hallway about “Our kids need to do their exit tickets today!” It was great. 

The day we returned from Thanksgiving break I was taking down the sheets from my door and a hospital staff co-worker came by genuinely sad, asking if we were going to keep doing it. Well, yeah, of course we can! So the next day I introduced our Snowball Fight! The concept is pretty much the same. Whichever group has the highest percentage of students completing exit tickets wins a snowball. The same goes for the highest percentage of students on task until clean up time and the highest average on the behavior scale. Ties mean each group gets a snowball, so each group can get up to three snowballs every day. Our current prize is three snowballs equals candy for your group. I had thought about doing a bigger prize at the end of month before break, but since I won’t have the same kids then, I didn’t think that would be fair, so for now I’m sticking to candy, but if anyone has other ideas, please leave a comment and let me know!

Do you use contests in your classroom? What do you do? I’d love to hear about them!

Behavior Scale

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In my last post about exit tickets, I mentioned that I have my students self-assess their behavior at the end of their one-hour-long class session. To do this, I have developed a four point scale based on Marzano’s model. Again, I needed something that I could use consistently across all my classes which include students in kindergarten through twelfth grade and with a wide variety of educational needs. The current version I’m using is shown in the picture below.

On our scale, four is the highest and one is the lowest. Anytime we use a four point scale, the goal should be for students to earn a three. In my setting, that means the student attended class, worked on their assignments, and was generally respectful to those around them. Students who are having a rough day and unable to really focus on their work can still earn a three. If they let me know what’s up, we work together to make a plan for the class period–which looks different each time. Sometimes it’s drawing; sometimes it’s writing; and sometimes they need to just focus on something different for a while so we’ll grab some puzzles, word searches, or sudoku. I even had one student ask if he could do 83 push-ups! Sure you can! Me? Not so much! 

A four is earned when behavior is even better than expected; maybe the student was especially helpful to a peer or persevered through something that was really tough. Just today I had a student earn a four. She had never before used long division to divide polynomials so I showed her how to do it and she worked super hard all hour (I even forgot to dismiss class because we were so into it!). She thought it was really hard, but she stuck to it, kept working through it, and ended up doing a great job. 

A two means you had an okay day: not great but not terrible. Maybe the student was on websites that are not allowed and chose not to stay off them after being redirected. Maybe we said a bunch of not-so-nice things to our peers. Maybe we decided to throw fidgets at the ceiling after Melissa told us sixteen times not to…(that would never happen, right?).

A one means things were not good…in a pretty big way. I’ve only given out maybe three or four of these all year so far. This looks like throwing chairs, ripping things off the walls, punching someone…basically, there is a path of destruction somewhere. A one also means I need to review the day and see if I can make any changes that will help tomorrow go better for that student. Behavior is communication–what was that student trying to tell me? 

I purposefully designed each of the spots on the scale to use mostly the same wording. This allows students to know what behavior expectations are important and they don’t have to remember different standards when reflecting on their own behavior when earning a two instead of a three, for example. I also added the smiley faces to help guide my students who aren’t readers yet. 

I love using four point scales in my classroom! I think they work exceptionally well for measuring behavior in a way that teaches students that perfection is not expected and each day is a new day. If you use any, I’d love for you to post a picture!

Exit Tickets

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It’s common knowledge that good classroom management includes routines students are familiar with. When I started my new job this school year, I knew I would be moving students around in different groups, so I needed to run each group throughout the day in the same way. Therefore, I needed routines that would work well with students from kindergarten through twelfth grade and with a variety of educational and emotional needs. 

I decided to end each class with students completing an exit ticket. Most of the time, teachers use these to assess what students have learned or what questions they still have at the end of a class period. Since my day is structured into what is pretty much four sections of “resource room,” (each student working on something different than the student next to them) that wasn’t going to work in my setting. I wanted to make something that would ask students to reflect on their choices and behaviors during their hour of school each day. I also wanted useful information for myself and useful feedback for my learners. After many iterations, I came up with what we are currently using. I got the border and “exit ticket” words from a free file on Teachers Pay Teachers. Then I made the rest in Google docs, cut out the pieces, taped them on (because I’m super tech savvy-haha), and made copies; I get three tickets out of one piece of printer paper.

The current layout of my exit ticket

Students write their name and the date, then check off where they feel they fell on our four-point behavior scale (I’ll share this next time!). Next, they check off what they worked on. I added this for two reasons. Sometimes if I don’t get to my “charting” until the end of the day, I forget that Tommy worked on math while I was helping Sally with social studies. I also like to see if what they checked off matches up with what I observed. For example, if it looked like Mary was watching a video on the Pythagorean Theorem but checks off that she worked on English, I make a note to check on that with the student the next time I see them. After students turn these in, I check off what behavior scale number I observed them to be; then I leave a little note, a sticker, etc. I record both my score and the student’s score in my daily charting (I’ll share this tip in another post). 

This has given me extremely useful data. Is a student rating themselves very high or very low and that’s different from what I’m observing? Is a student having an exceptionally bad day? In many cases, students have written notes to me on the exit ticket about how they are feeling, that they need additional help, that they don’t feel safe, that they are sorry they didn’t do a lot of work that day for xyz reasons. Because they know I read these every day, they know what they write on them will be seen and taken seriously; they will be heard.

Do you use exit tickets in your classroom? What has worked well (or not so well)? If you don’t currently use them, consider giving them a try. What information would be most useful for you to get from your students? What feedback would be most beneficial to them? Use these as your guiding questions and you will end up with the exit ticket that is right for you!