As you may have noticed, I haven’t written a blog post in quite a while. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and have been wanting to write; the problem has been not knowing what to write that sticks with my topic of coping and hoping with mental illness.
I’m feeling good. Really good. Happy. I feel so much more “me” than I have in literally years. Life isn’t perfect but those things that could ramp my anxiety from 0 to 100 in two seconds flat just aren’t affecting me the way they have in the past. I wake up in the morning excited about the day ahead of me and without the anxiety elephant sitting on my chest squishing the air out of me. The only thing that is kind of getting to me is the voice that says, “You know this probably won’t last forever, right?” It might not, but I’m going to enjoy the heck out of it while it does. And, honestly, I feel like the good stuff is going to stick around for quite a while.
This school year I started a new position teaching at a mental health hospital. I get to teach the kids who are in the partial hospitalization program. They come to the hospital in the morning and go home in the afternoon. I have up to four one-hour-long class sessions each day where I get to work with the kids to keep them caught up with what’s going on in their regular classrooms so they aren’t as behind when they go back.
I. LOVE. IT. I have a spacious classroom with THREE windows (just having a window is a first)! I get to work with kids of all ages and ability levels. Every part of this job is like it was made for me. I get to combine my passions of teaching and mental health every single day.
Additionally, both of our boys have had great back-to-school experiences. We “graduated” from in-home therapy and Cullen will continue seeing his own therapist who goes out to his school to see kids (which is amazingly awesome so parents don’t have to worry about how to transport kids into town for an appointment on a weekday when most work). I’m very hopeful that he will continue to have a great school year with his friends AT SCHOOL!!
I just got a new set of stickers for my planner and as I was looking through them, one stood out to me so strongly I felt like it punched me in the brain. It says, “When nothing is sure, everything is possible.” If that doesn’t perfectly sum up the last year (or more), nothing could.
I am a person who likes (…ok, needs) organization, order, planning, rules, checklists, spreadsheets, agendas…you get the picture. When I can’t count on those things, my brain short circuits. It wants to follow a nice, straight, predictable line. It does not want to follow the scribbles of a three-year-old hopped up on hot chocolate and M&M’s who just dumped out a 64-count box of Crayolas.
But I discovered that riding the Hot Mess Express can bring you to a station you didn’t even know existed…a place that is even better than what you thought you were heading for. And that’s where I am now. A few months ago, nothing was sure. Even though I didn’t realize it then, now I know that meant everything—even all kinds of super great stuff—was possible. And is possible. And is actually happening. Right. Now.
I’m not sure exactly where I want to take my blog next. I know I love writing and I want to keep doing it for whatever size audience I may have. I’m not going to worry about it. Why? Because when nothing is sure, everything is possible.
Thanks for reading.