Month: July 2021

This week in my Facebook memories, a picture from four years ago popped up of me during my first doctoral residency. Boy, do I remember that week. I still need a Tylenol just thinking about that week. Now, I think about everything I’ve been through since that picture was taken…and I’m kinda proud of myself.

This week I am participating in my university’s research seminar for those of us who are still working toward finishing our dissertations. I’m not gonna lie; I was super nervous about this week. I felt like I was so embarrassingly far behind everyone else I shouldn’t butt my way into class and use resources that could go to someone else. (And that sounds awful now that I’ve actually written those words out—yikes.)

But…I’m actually making a lot of headway and I’m really proud of myself. On Monday morning, I felt like I was floating around (above?) Dissertationland. By Wednesday, I felt like my anchor had dropped. Now—Thursday evening—I feel like I can conquer this beast…that I WILL conquer this beast…that I will eat peer-reviewed journal articles for breakfast until I slay this dragon.

I have every remaining step outlined with due dates so I can graduate in May 2022. I happened to look up on what day I will finally walk across that stage in my funny looking hat: May 21. My mom’s birthday. It’s like a message straight from heaven telling me I. Will. Do. This. (and my mom knows I will, too).

I have worked harder and longer this week than I have in a very long time; it feels really good. It’s not very often (especially lately) I feel that I’m actually good at something and that I should feel proud of myself. But right now, I really do. And I’m going to enjoy it. And I’m going to keep working until I meet this goal and get to add those two wonderful little letters in front of my name.

I hope each of you has something dear to your heart that makes you feel fulfilled, accomplished, and proud. Enjoy those warm fuzzies—you deserve it!

Sincerely,

The future Dr. Uetz

https://youtu.be/hDYAv42Na1E

Wow, I totally disappeared for a while and I’m so sorry.

I’m used to my brain being overloaded with “bad” thoughts but for the past few weeks, my mind has been racing with “I should” thoughts: I should shop for Instacart, I should do the dishes, I should redo the flower garden, I should fold some laundry, I should binge watch Law and Order SVU, I should go to TJ Maxx and buy candles, I should sell clothes on Poshmark, I should paint the half bathroom…and on and on and on nearly every waking minute of the day and it was just so much I ended up doing…well, pretty much nothing. The thing is, while my brain was racing I didn’t realize how much it was causing a work-stoppage issue in my life. Hey, my mind is actually thinking positive, future-focused thoughts. That has to be good, right? Not so much in this case. Darn it.

Since my mind was all over the place, I decided I needed to set priorities. I asked myself where I want to be in a year, and worked backward to figure out what to focus on now. In normal “me” fashion, I thought of about 147 things I wanted to do, but made myself pick just one to start with. I thought about picking two or three or five…but I know me and I would just keep adding and adding so I made myself pick. Just. One. Ugh. Hard.

There’s SO much I want to do. I know I need to find a way to balance earning an income and being available when my kids need me. I also know I will be working on writing my dissertation, and the never-ending process of cleaning/organizing/painting/decorating our home. And that’s ok—I need to do all that stuff, too. But when I’m stuck in my mental hamster wheel of “I should,” I need one North Star to guide me into positive action instead of being glued to my bed in inaction.

What did I land on? I decided my top priority is my physical health. I am in the worst shape of my life and at my highest weight ever. I hate it. I need to change the way I eat and move. So, I took the laundry off the treadmill, dusted off my tennis shoes, and signed up for a virtual 5K (that I will walk) in August (on what would have been my grandma’s 88th birthday…I took it as a sign that I was supposed to do it). I’m also recording what I eat so I can watch the calories and make healthier choices. I decided to start with this goal because I know when my body feels better, my brain feels better. And if my body can’t do anything without feeling like its going to keel over, then I can’t do fun stuff…or any stuff…and that sucks. So, my physical health is priority one.

In true special educator style, I invented a graphic organizer to help me succeed. A few weeks ago I crowned my self the Queen of Overthinking. I was able to reframe that title and the mental picture that went with it into the graphic organizer. I pictured a queen’s crown with the subject of my overthinking in the band. All my overflowing thoughts fit onto the short spikes and my focus thought went on the long middle spike. (Do those parts have a special name? I googled it and can’t find anything.) Picturing this has helped me tremendously. I’m allowing the superfluous thoughts to have some space and not be labeled as “bad” but my energy is directed toward the focus thought. My aim is narrowed in on the bullseye instead of over the whole wall.

Do you ever have too many thoughts going on at one time? What will be your focus? I am going to focus on my physical health right now by taking a walk outside with Bon Jovi keeping me company. And later when my brain starts playing pinball with my thoughts, I’ll keep my priority in focus as I decide the next right step to take.

Thanks for reading!